


Sugar Boat

by TheHuskyDragon



Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [4]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Amelie fucked everything up for everyone, F/F, Fragile and lockne are totally gay, God Complex, Higgs Monaghan Being Higgs Monaghan, I’ve never Beta read a single fic in my life so if there’s mistakes it’s on me, M/M, Road Trips, Unresolved Emotional Tension, You ever write something and immediately forget all that happens, really Sam and Higgs just port something that’s kinda it, thats a tag!! Lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21674086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuskyDragon/pseuds/TheHuskyDragon
Summary: For the briefest moment, Higgs almost forgot that Fragile would be undeniably pissed.
Relationships: Fragile/Lockne, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551493
Comments: 2
Kudos: 156





	Sugar Boat

**Author's Note:**

> If this chapter feels stiff, it’s mostly probably bc I was in Moods that didn’t fit the mood of the scene :,) hope it reads fine tho aha
> 
> Title from the Modest Mouse song. No I don’t plan on having a og title any time soon
> 
> It’s hard to write Fragile! And Lockne! Cuz I don’t,, know how to write them so,,,, maybe I’ll have to have a chapter that focuses on them huh?
> 
> If I get something wrong plot wise that’s in game, it’s my fault but I’m also gonna use the excuse that this altered au changed whatever was wrong...

They were in Lake Knot City. The order they picked up was some chiral crystals and plenty of Sam’s blood for Lockne—whoever that was— to study. The thing was…

“Mountain Knot!?” Higgs exclaims, rightfully so, and then again, “ _Mountain Knot?_ ”

Sam looks unfazed, he huffs. “Yeah, not the furthest, but I think the highway is finished the whole way. If we take a truck it really shouldn’t take more than,” Sam purses his lips, looking thoughtful, “Three hours? There shouldn’t be any BTs if we’re careful,”

Higgs had been fitted with a suit very similar to Sam’s. _It’s not like there were many options…_ while Sam’s uniform color was a deep red, Higgs’ was black. If they’re on their way out… Higgs is almost tempted to ask to stop by his old shelter… then he remembers what he’d done to Middle Knot. The shame still eats at him; perhaps that was too far. _He doesn’t want Sam to bring it up..._ Even if the deed was done, there’s still a huge crater as remembrance of his actions. What he’d done to Middle knot, what he’d done to _Fragile_ there. _For what reason?_ Nihilism? _We’re all going to die, might as well make the best of it, hm?_ Be the world’s most asshole God. 

Er— _particle_ of god. A _human_. 

Higgs waits patiently for the truck. It rises from the same elevator they came up in effortlessly. The large containers that they’re porting going into the back of the vehicle. Sam’s already in the car by the time Higgs opens the door. 

“No rush, huh?” Higgs jokes. 

“Guess I’m antsy. Hope I don’t become one of those MULEs.”

“We’re always at risk of that, aren’t we, Sammy boy? It’s honestly tempting…”

“ _‘We’_ ?” Sam asks, “ _you_ port?”

Higgs laughs, “did I port? Honey, before I met Amelie, I was probably as good as you were!” He _was_. Even with his low DOOMS. 

Sam has the _gall_ to laugh at him. “You’ll have to show me how good you were.”

Higgs kicks his feet up on the console. “Oh, I will; I’ll port my _dick_ into your _mouth_ ,” Higgs takes pride in the way the promise makes Sam wheeze out a laugh. It’s probably his favorite sound; he barely gets to hear it from the serious man. 

“Maybe I’ll hold you to that promise,”

  
  


The ride really wasn’t that bad. They were to the forest when he speaks up again. “Hey,” Sam started. “What happened between you and Fragile? Why’d you…” he waves his hand in the air. 

“She didn’t tell you?”

“I wanna hear your side,”

He feels awfully put on the spot, like some literal spotlight had been turned to him inside the damn truck. 

“There isn’t _much_ I suppose. We were close when we’d port together. I’m not sure about her but I… saw her somewhat as a sister. Her father really took me under his wing and showed me tricks to porting before he passed. Her DOOMS level was a bit higher than mine, she taught me how to teleport, you know.” He sighs, nostalgia kicking in. 

“Why the fucking did you hafta blow up Middle Knot then?” Sam kept his eyes on the road, but Higgs could see the frown on his brow. If only Higgs could go back in time… he swears Sam being at all— _displeased_ with him causes him physical pain… he shrugs, feeling claustrophobic in his uniform, in the truck. 

“Like I said, I got power-hungry, I think. That and I was just constantly awaiting the moment I could finally _die_ , killing a repatriate is hard work, Bridges,”

“Feel ya on that,” Sam replies easily, giving him a knowing look. “Hey, if Cliff ever finds out you shot me and Lou, he’s… really gonna go after you. _Listen_ to me when I say he won’t give up until you suffer for it.”

Higgs gulps down his anxiety. He nods before he remembers to breathe. The steady drum of tires on the highway helps him calm his nerves, but not much. He almost wants to comment on how _Amelie_ coerced Higgs to do most of those things, though he doubts Sam would take that well. At _all_. 

Higgs’ attitude towards life had always been “ _we’re all gonna die, might as well fuck shit up_ ,” to living life to the fullest out of spite. There were— _are_ so many people who hate his existence, why not make the most of _that_ ? Show em, rub it in their face… _he’d missed porting so much. It was so fun, so challenging._

A chime comes from Sam’s cuffs. 

“Sam. It’s Heartman. I would have you bring the cargo to my own lab, but Lockne mentioned how much easier it would be for both of us to work at her lab at Mountain Knot. If you finish the order at the terminal then bring it to us, I could be there in hologram in—“

A robotic voice interiors the man, “ _one minute remaining. Please hold onto something secure.”_

“—about three minutes after you arrive. See you then,”

Higgs opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. “ _Heartman_? The names of these people…”

“Oh, yeah, tell us, Mr. God Particle. Anyway, his heart stops every twenty one minutes for three minutes. Everyday. All day.”

Higgs is nearly speechless. “ _Why_?”

“So he can look for his family on his beach. ‘Parently his is connected to a few others. Been at it for… just over ten years now? Though I... think he's stopped that recently.”

“Huh,” Higgs comments. They’re pulling into the city, the force field scanning the vehicle. “He’s… quite dedicated,”

“ _Welcome: Sam Porter Bridges. And. Higgs Monaghan._ ”

Sam cusses, “ _hate_ the fucking name they gave me.” His voice hisses through the air. 

“ _All weapons disabled until departure.”_

“Hematic grenades hardly are a fucken weapon,” Sam said, pulling into the building, though he sounds quieter than usual. The truck had blocked out of the worst of the frigid air, but in the open building near the terminal, Higgs could soon feel his teeth chatter together. 

“Not used to the cold, huh?”

“B-been a while,” he shivered, unable to help himself. 

He’s trembling again, but not because of the cold. He can sense that something bad is going to happen. _Like what? He’s going to meet two people,_ he tells himself, _nothing is going to happen._

He breathes in to relax his nerves ... but then he smells Fragile. Which is— _so weird,_ it’s _Fragile_. Why would Lockne need cargo from two companies when Sam could’ve picked it up himself?

Sam leads them down hallways and door frames. Higgs mindlessly follows as he boggles his mind with _why the hell should Fragile be here?_

Sam, oblivious to Higgs’ confusion, opens a door. The handle clicks loud enough to echo in Higgs’ head. 

For the briefest moment, Higgs almost forgot that Fragile would be undeniably _pissed_. 

“Ah, shit.”

There was no way to shield the taller man, Higgs directly behind Sam. While Lockne was faced away from the door—talking to Fragile at a messy desk— Fragile has been on the desk. 

Facing the door. 

Higgs seems to see in slow motion. The way her head turns to Sam, happy at seeing him unexpectedly, to turning an inch up, transforming into startled hatred. Higgs’ heart drops to his stomach. She disappears for a second in a cloud of golden sparks, just to appear _right in front of him,_ not half a foot away. 

“I thought I killed you,” she snarls under her breath slowly, nearly a whisper. Her face coolly contorts in anger. Sam and Lockne seem frozen, completely unhelpful. 

“You did,” Higgs croaked. His shoulders sag, waiting for some painful blow Fragile will land him. His eyes sting as he holds eye contact. It’s _painful_ , holding eye contact for so long with the living person who hates him the most. 

The blow never comes. 

He swallows a whimper in his chest. 

“ _Fragile_ .” Sam speaks, _warns_. He sounds far too loud, even if Higgs knows he’s maybe just a foot to the side— when had he moved to the side? When Fragile jumped in front of him?

Lockne physically puts herself between them, perhaps noticing the tension, perhaps knowing Sam wouldn’t be able to separate them himself. 

“He’s with _me_ , Fragile—“

Higgs is forced to his knees as Fragile’s fist connects to his stomach. There isn’t so much a noise, but a feeling that he can hear in his body from the blow. He wheezes, gags, black tears squeezing from his eyes. He bends himself there, on the floor, a groan slipping from between his teeth, clenched so hard his head hurts. He rests his head on the cold hard floor. It’s _surprising_ , such a woman like Fragile, being able to make a shitty god like Higgs kneel at her feet. 

He hears said feet, and another pair at least, scramble away from him, nearly dragged. Higgs blinks the blackness out of his eyes and lifts his head. If Higgs could regain his breathing, he’d gasp. 

Sam had grabbed her by the collar of her leather jacket, filled with just as many patches as Sam’s own uniform, and forced her away from Higgs. Still clutching his arm to his stomach, Higgs sits up a bit. 

Lockne helps him up further. She herself is a beautiful woman who seems to have two different colored eyes. One blue, the other green. Lockne’s outfit had a large collar that covers half her face. Her long black hair falling around her face as she helps him stand. She apologizes like it helps. 

“No it’s—“ he clears his throat, sounding too breathless, “it’s justified.” He leaves it at that. 

She’s too short for him to lean on, and probably not strong enough, so Higgs leans against the doorway and wants to slide back down to the floor, disappear in a puddle of tar. He sighs. It’s painful. Why did he think this would turn out well? Of _course_ seeing Fragile at the beach, after embarrassing himself as he did, of course it wouldn’t be the last time he’d see her. 

He hates Amelie. _Hates_ her for giving him his DOOMS, for telling him to bomb Middle Knot, for telling him to “ _deal with Fragile”_.

He can’t hear Sam or Fragile clearly enough as they are on the other side of the room. Sam looks just as pissed as Fragile does.

Lockne bothers to wipe a tear streak off his face. He looks at her and sees her face change in some inconceivable minute way— in some way he can’t place. The thought “mother” crosses his mind, even though the feeling is foreign to him. He bites the inside of his cheek and looks away. 

There’s the sound of a hologram starting up, then: “ _Administering shock;_ ” as, most likely, the man named Heartman walks into view. Higgs must be out of view as he sees Lockne, but not Sam. 

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

“He is, he’s just… _busy_.” Her brow creases as she looks over to them. She nearly spat out the last word. 

Before anyone else can get a word in, Sam storms over and all but drags Higgs away by the straps of his uniform. “We’re _leaving_ ,”

  
  


They get into the truck and Sam closes the door perhaps just harder than he should. Higgs can _feel_ the rage seething off of him, can almost see it, like—like it’s bending the outline of space around him. 

“Wha—“

“She’s pissed at me.” Sam growls, “more than she’s pissed at you.”

“Did—“

“Would you do that again?” Sam asks, furious, _not_ at him, “what you did to Fragile? Would you do that to anyone else!?”

“No!” Higgs exclaims, Sam _knows_ this— “Sam I never even _liked_ that part of me; I’m—“

“She already fucking killed you once isn’t that—”

Higgs clenches his hands. He feels like he’s going to vomit, “ _stop interrupting_ me and _calm down,_ Sam.”

They had been driving as fast as the vehicle could, so when Sam kicks down on the brake Higgs is thrown forward, the belt rubs horribly at his neck, nearly choking him. 

Sam looks about ready to kill someone. Maybe if Higgs is lucky enough, it will be him. He’s probably mad at him anyway, mad that he’d done what he’d done. And he— Sam _knows_ Higgs regrets it, regrets it _every damn day_ after Amelie brought him back. Fuck, he fucking _hates_ Amelie.

Sam starts driving again. 

“I’m sorry for fucking everything up,”

“You didn’t fuck anything up at Mountain Knot.” Higgs can’t tell what Sam’s tone of voice is, he’s afraid to know. 

“For before then,” Higgs offers.

“That wasn’t your fault either.” Sam concludes. 

“But—“

Sam looks at him. He gulps. _You don’t have to say why._

* * *

They make it back to Lake Knot in one piece. Well, _physically_ . Higgs doesn’t feel like he deserves Sam’s forgiveness. He— doesn’t. He hasn’t done _anything_ to redeem himself, he _doesn’t deserve_ to be treated nicely. This shit’s too different, too difficult. He wishes he was a kid again, hell, even with his uncle. Just for some familiarity. 

Sam turns off the engine. “I’m gonna get Lou and _sleep_. You do whatever the fuck you want, go port somethin if you want, I don’t care.” And with that, he leaves the vehicle and makes his way into the building. 

* * *

He _does_ take another order. And finishes it almost without noticing. It was a simple request sent by a prepper that had already been part of the UCA. He appeared to only need some basic materials for _blah-blah-blah_. 

“You’re not Sam.” He says. _No fucking shit, Sherlock._ “But—“ he bends down and looks at the cargo, “might as well have been done by ‘im. It’s in perfect condition.”

The transmission closes and the evaluation comes up. S Score. Despite his spoiled mood, the rush of oxytocin makes him giddy almost. 

The prepper hadn’t been too far, so, because he doubts anyone would miss him over at Lake Knot, he stops by his own bunker. 

He could’ve _sworn_ he left the door open… either way it opens without a hassle, and everything— the posters and pictures and string— is still there. His books, notes, computer and head busts and skulls and, yes— his clothes. 

Higgs puts them in a bag, and then puts the bag on the straps on his back, the muscle memory easy to fall into. He checks over the room as his eyes fall onto his own cot. The whole room is covered in a fine layer of dust, but he feels _exhausted_ . He just wants to sleep— _fuck_ porting from Lake Knot, he has a damn terminal here— and never step foot into a Knot City again. 

But then… Sam will be disappointed. Though, if he stays here he’ll think Higgs is going back to the terrorist— it _won’t_ be horribly difficult to take them back over— or maybe he’ll think Fragile was _right_ . He doesn’t want that, doesn’t want her to have the— the _satisfaction_. 

He hears what he thinks is Mekal teleporting into the bunker but… it’s not him, it’s another animal. 

It’s _small_ , at first just a lump of tar, but it slowly forms itself. The front of its face golden with chiralium. Big round ears, long tail, pointed snout and grabby feet… a rat! Is his bunker that dingy? The BT turns toward him when he gasps. Suddenly it teleports onto his lap, it’s mask opens four-fold; _completely_ unnatural but _so_ similar to Mekal. It squeals. 

Higgs’ breath leaves him carefully, expression stuck in amazement. There was nothing that had conjured it in his mind, he’s—he’s never even _made_ a rodent-based beast… but… who is he to deny it a life in the real world? Higgs scratches the pest under its chin. 

  
  


Higgs makes his way to Lake Knot. Sam wasn’t in his private room. 

When Higgs lays down— not that he could _possibly_ fall asleep— he nuzzles his face into the thin sheets. They smell like Sam. 

He sighs and closes his eyes. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I’ve written like. 6k without any actual porn???? And I plan another 1k at least til there’s some porny thing
> 
> Kudos and comments fuel me like food! I know I keep saying this, but I get like. A big dopamine rush when I see comments and kudos y’all give me//


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